Throughout our lives, we all know or have gone through a breakup, many people may have found that when it is you who puts an end to the relationship, normally, the people around you do not pay the same attention as if they have left you. It seems that the fact of having been the person who made the decision was implicit that they will not have the same bad time as if they left you, they forget that making a decision of these characteristics can lead to suffering, uncertainty, guilt and fear to not make the right decision and to make a mistake.
In this Psychology-Online article, we intend to help clarify what the person who leaves their partner feels and if they miss them .
Is it normal for me to miss my ex if I left him?
Many people believe that the part of the couple that puts an end to the relationship has no reason to miss that relationship, but the fact is that ending the relationship with someone is a duel , even if you have ended it.
In this grieving process, sometimes you can miss things about the couple, plans you made together and even the person . Ending a relationship will lead the person to mourn and, as a consequence, to moments of sadness, fear of being alone, or the uncertainty of whether you have made the best decision or not. To all this, sometimes, you can add feelings of guilt that can create discomfort when you think that you have hurt your ex-partner, so it is not easy to be the person who puts an end to the relationship.
If we are based on the theory of the grieving process, if it is normal to miss the partner while experiencing the loss, it is normal to have fear and doubts about whether you have made the right decision. Even so, if that happens, it would be good, first, to allow yourself to feel this loss and fear and, second, to try to look again for the reasons why you put an end to the relationship and assess whether even today they still seem like compelling reasons. or not.
Is it normal for the one who leaves to regret it?
Generally, the person who leaves the other, in the process of adjusting to the situation taken, may have moments of regret , as part of the grieving process. Even so, it is also true that at some point the regret, which may have been experienced in any of the phases of the duel, must lead to a negotiation about the current situation and where you want to take the direction and, later, an acceptance about the decision made.
If you see that regret is very frequent and you feel that you are not moving forward after having made the decision, perhaps it is time to review your feelings.
What does the person who leaves his partner feel, suffer?
The quitter does suffer . Having doubts about something torments most people, imagine if you have them for the future of your relationship. Leaving the person next to you can make a 180 degree change in your life, so it is normal to have doubts and fears about whether to make the decision.
In addition, once the decision is made, doubts may also appear as to whether you have done what you really wanted or it was simply a bump that could be overcome or a feeling of guilt may appear alongside it if you think you have done harm to the person who was next to you. So the myth that the person who leaves does not suffer, is not true, since the mourning for the loss of the relationship is passed by both parties, in addition to the leaving person, guilt can be added, a feeling that in many cases is source of discomfort for those who feel it.
When does the dropper want to return?
The quitter wants to return when he / she realizes that the decision made does not meet his / her expectations , that is to say, relationships usually end because it is believed that one / a will be better off alone than with the other person. When reality does not meet the reality that we had in our mind, it is when the person who has put an end to the relationship decides to return to try a second chance.
It can also happen that the part that has been left takes a new path with another person and at that moment the leaving party, when being replaced, feels the need to return. The habit of being he or she who was walking with that person and seeing that the other person has already rebuilt their life can break certain mental schemes or expectations and lead the person to want to recover their previous relationship.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.