Sometimes it can be difficult to discern if a person is with you only for an attraction or if it is for love. Interpersonal attraction is generally understood as a positive attitude of one person towards another, consisting of cognitive, affective, and behavioral components. Within interpersonal relationships, 3 types of attraction have been studied mainly: liking, loving, and being in love. How can we distinguish them? How do you know if it’s just physical attraction or if you love me? In Psychology-Online we will try to help you find the answer.
How to know if he just wants to sleep with you
How can you tell if a person only wants you to have sex? There are some signs that can alert us to this intention, as explained in the article ” What to say to a man who just wants to sleep with you “, let’s see some:
- Your conversations revolve around the erotic or sexual.
- Whenever he talks to you it is to flirt.
- He does not talk to you about personal issues: he does not tell you anything and you do not know anything about his life, his past, his friends, family …
- He is not interested in your life: he does not ask how you are, or how your day has gone, or ask you personal questions, etc.
- He only compliments you on your physique or appearance.
- Whenever you see each other it is to maintain relationships or you end up having them.
How to know if you want something serious or are playing
There are people who are confused at times in their lives and do not know what they want. As a consequence, when they start a relationship with someone, they are not clear and can give the other person the feeling that they are playing with them, because they are not sure what they want or what they are looking for.
Research has found that similar people are more likely to hang out with each other for two reasons:
- Because they assume people who look like them will like them.
- Because similar people validate their own attitudes and beliefs.
In this way, one of the reasons we associate with people who resemble us is implicitly egocentric, to activate positive automatic associations about ourselves. So you do not have to know if you want something serious and be with us because it suits you, without thinking further.
Also, there are other reasons to be with someone because they attract you, but not knowing if you really love them. For example, the erroneous attribution of arousal or arousal. In the theory of the two factors of emotion, it is argued that high arousal, regardless of its source, will be associated with a “passionate love”, provided that one attributes his state of arousal to passion. That is, passionate love is the result of thinking that a high state of agitation is due to passion, even if it is not.
Another reason is related to hormones. Partner choice can also be in ﬂ uenced by levels of sex hormones. For example, some authors have proven that women’s preferences for a partner change according to the phases of the menstrual cycle and their own physical characteristics.
With all this, it is easy for someone who is with us not really looking for anything in the long term. How can we know if someone wants something serious or if they are playing with us? We can identify that you do not want anything serious with these 4 signs:
- It is ambiguous, sometimes it seems that everything is very serious and that she is very much in love and other times it gives you to understand the opposite.
- Avoid personal topics: he doesn’t tell you anything and you don’t know anything about his life, his past, his friends, family …
- Avoid mixing with their daily life: avoid situations with which you can coincide with other elements of their life, they do not introduce you to their friends or family, etc.
- He doesn’t propose to make elaborate plans, he doesn’t waste a lot of time thinking about different and fun things that you could do as a couple.
How to know if it is a roll or something else
All men and women prefer to associate equally with people who are kind, understanding, trustworthy, healthy and intelligent. But thinking that someone is with us for having these characteristics does not guarantee that they want something more than a simple roll. Be aware of other signs.
One study distinguished the characteristics of “liking,” “loving,” and “being in love,” a difficult task as many of the characteristics overlap. The results were:
- Good mood in the presence of the other person: 61% to “like” and 53% to “love”.
- Arousal or excitement: 62% to “be in love”.
- Desire to interact with the other: “like”.
- Trust in the other: “love”.
It should be borne in mind that social networks and new technologies have modified our way of relating. Love “à la carte” is part of a consumer society that wants everything in the moment, here and now. Everything is marked by the satisfaction of instant, ephemeral, and egocentric needs. The relationships that are framed in this context, the so-called liquid relationships, are also those that coincide with the concept of “roll”, and can be recognized by the following:
- They are more individualistic, the desire to satisfy already, here and now, erotic desire prevails.
- You do not project into the future, you do not plan or envision a future together.
- Nothing is given in return, does not bare his soul or emotions.
How to know if you really love me
To know if what you feel is real love, we should first be able to discard the previous sections. And then, watch out for the following signs:
- He cares about you, about your well-being in all its dimensions, physical, emotional and social.
- He wants to spend time with you. And not just to have fun in bed. Value the time with you as quality time and look for moments to be together.
- He listens to you. He is interested in you, in your life, in your fears and worries, complaints, dreams and illusions, and even so that you tell him the latest gossip from the neighbor on the fifth floor. He listens to you even when you don’t speak.
- Trust you. To tell you his secrets, his emotions, his problems, so that you can do him an important favor, etc. Here you will find more information about trust in your partner.
- Value your opinion. He asks for it. He listens to you, even if he doesn’t agree. Whenever he needs another point of view, he asks you what you think.
- It makes you feel good about yourself. You don’t feel like you have to pretend to be someone else to be by his side and, on top of that,
- you feel that he accepts you and likes you just the way you are.
- He shows you his love, in his own way, either with small details, being by your side when you need it, telling you, etc.
- All the previous points come out genuinely, it shows that it is not something forced or compromised.
Doubting at some point in the relationship is normal. And if you have a question related to the previous sections, you should not only base yourself on the signs that it may show, you can also ask it directly and have a conversation about this issue that worries you. It is possible that you solve your doubts much earlier and that you also talk about things that you needed to share.
In the following article, you will find the characteristics of real love.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.