Living without a partner to accompany us on our adventures does not have to mean living sad, however, from the moment we are born they teach us to find the famous “love of your life” and when we do not find him we can feel great frustration. In addition, the human being is a being that lives in society by nature and that implies establishing intimate emotional ties. For whatever reason, people have a tendency to look for a partner throughout their lives. Years go by and we may wonder why everyone has a partner and we don’t, we try to find logical explanations, and sometimes we can blame ourselves.
It is essential to focus on ourselves but without harming ourselves or attacking our self-esteem, in this Psychology-Online article, we will try to answer the famous question of ” why is it so hard for me to find a partner? ” And we will give psychological explanations for this. situation.
Why is it hard to find love
When we have been looking for a stable partner for some time and we cannot find one, it is possible that feelings of guilt, insecurity and some doubts flourish: ” why doesn’t anyone love me ?” ” Why is it so hard for me to find a partner ?” “Am I not enough for anyone ?” These doubts and enigmas put us in a guilty position that can be very detrimental to our mental well-being. Everyone has their own challenges and difficulties in life, if ours is to find someone with whom to share a path, we will have to develop techniques to achieve our goal and to be able to get ahead in the opposite case.
The difficulty in finding love does not always lie outside of us, sometimes the responsibility falls on our actions and thoughts. It is possible that there are a series of reasons, conscious or unconscious, that prevent us from establishing a correct affective bond with a particular person. These reasons may be based on the fear of commitment, of being betrayed, of having our dignity stepped on … be that as it may, we must find the basic reason that makes us boycott the possibility of having a love relationship.
Why I can’t find a partner: psychology explains it to you
From the branch of psychology, the field of love and romantic relationships has been investigated a lot, it is a subject that has generated many doubts given the complexity of its origin and the need to understand the dynamics of the couple. Thanks to so many years of study, we can offer the following reasons why it is difficult for us to find a partner:
Many times we do not jump into the pool for fear of hurting ourselves, it is normal. Perhaps we have had bad experiences with other people and we do not want to repeat that experience. It is likely that we fear we are not enough and this fear is reflected in our way of acting. If we behave in fear we will not attract those people who could potentially be important individuals in our lives.
Introverts are characterized by having fewer social ties than extroverts. This does not imply that they cannot have intimate relationships and a stable partner, however, it is related to difficulties in establishing bonds and, as a consequence, difficulty in finding a partner. The extreme shyness can be managed so that by developing appropriate social skills, we can establish loving relationships and, eventually, we manage to find love.
Low self-esteem is related to unsafe behaviors and fear of relating to others, having low self-esteem is one of the symptoms of social phobia or avoidant personality disorder. It is important to learn to strengthen self-esteem to achieve a good social support network that allows us to form affective bonds as a couple.
Not being willing to compromise
Another reason why it may be difficult for us to find a partner may lie in an unconscious fear of commitment , having a partner implies being willing to change many aspects of our life, it means taking another person into account in our decisions and sharing our emotions without taboos. For many people, although it is difficult to admit it, the commitment is somewhat complicated and for this reason they avoid (consciously or unconsciously) establishing a stable relationship with a partner.
What to do when you are single
Living single is something that, over the years, is becoming normal in our society. However, not having a partner is still something that causes pain on many occasions when we wish we had someone to keep us company.
To know what to do when you do not have a partner, we only have to look inside ourselves, cover our emotional needs with self-esteem works, and make our lives regardless of whether we are single or not.
Patience is a key pillar in the search for emotional well-being, if we want to find a partner we must first heal our wounds and train our mind to be strong and independent people. If we do not strengthen our psychological aspects first, we may end up in a relationship of emotional dependence where our well-being depends solely and exclusively on the other person.
Without a partner at 20, 30, 40 … is age an important factor? While it is true that when we are younger it is easier for us to quickly establish an emotional bond, it is cut short more quickly. Adult relationships require more time and patience because the people who live them have often had other love experiences and test the waters before immersing themselves in a relationship. However, being older and not finding a partner does not have to be a bad thing, each person has their moment and, if the moment has not yet arrived, we do not have to torture ourselves either.
How to start a new relationship
Once we believe that we are ready to have a relationship, we can only wait. Many people say that love is not wanted, it comes without warning. This statement is largely right and that is that we cannot force a relationship. Finding a partner has to be relatively easy, spontaneous, and relaxed. To fully open ourselves to it, we can follow a series of steps:
Close past doors: the problems of mistrust, detachment, and past insecurities make a dent in the dynamics of the couple, if we want to avoid harming the other person, it is important to let forget the past and live in the present.
Learn to trust: each person is unique and unrepeatable, therefore, experiences with other individuals should not generate mistrust if what we want is to have a new partner. Opening up to new experiences and learning to trust can be the key to starting a new relationship.
Be patient: As we mentioned earlier, patience is extremely important in finding a partner. If we look for people indiscriminately, without stopping to think if they can be good companies or not, it is likely that we will have bad experiences that we could have avoided with a little more patience. Love comes, there is no use rushing in this aspect of our life.
Enjoy and learn: once we find that person with whom we want to start sharing our life, it is important to enjoy every moment with her, without fear that it will end and learning from new experiences. We cannot know for sure when a relationship ends but we can squeeze every moment and enjoy the company of that person to the fullest.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.